Pasta La Vista
by taylorwwjd
Summary: Calvin has to rush in order to keep his mom from finding out about the Noodle Incident But will his frantic attempts land him in an alternate universe? Now finished. Read and review, please.
1. A school letter

**PASTA LA VISTA - CHAPTER ONE**

Calvin was standing on the diving block at the local pool. It was 3 feet high, but Calvin seemed to be in a daze and was grabbing his floatie ring. His mom walked over.

"Calvin, you did this yesterday! Just jump off." She said, but to no avail. She decided to walk over and help him out with jumping off.

Spaceman Spiff stood on the edge of a billion foot high cliff. Well, atleast it looked that high. An alien was approaching. Spiff took the emergency alpha-ring around his chest and set it to ELECTRIFY. He slowly got it ready the alien approached. Spiff ATTACKED!

Calvin attacked his mom and stuck the life ring around her arms, scratching them and making them unmovable and pushed her in. She splashed into the pool as Calvin beamed in glory. His mom got out and glared at him from the pool side.

"ZOUNDS! The alien has re-emerged to get revenge!" Calvin exclaimed.

"You're going to have a lot more than aliens to worry about, kiddo." His mom said flatly. Calvin's eyes bulged open in fear.

"Great. Just great." Calvin said, going through the door. He had gotten a whole lecture the 30-minute drive home. His ears were hurting and this day could not get any worse.

"Calvin, I'm going to go bring back the garbage cans, okay?" his mom said.

"Fine. Just fine." Calvin said.

"I'm home!" Calvin said, even though no one was inside. It was almost a habit now.

A bad habit, he realized, just as the words slipped out of his mouth. The moment he said that, a big ball of orange-and-black terror pounced at him.

"I have got to stop doing that," Calvin remarked, covered in dirt. Hobbes retreated upstairs and Calvin took off his coat and shoes and laid them on the living room floor sloppily.

He noticed the mail and went over to see if anything was for him. He checked through the pile until he noticed his school's logo on one. Oh no! He'd been discovered! They had pinned the noodles to him. The oh so soggy noodles.

He grabbed the letter and ran. He would be in big trouble if mom found out. He dashed into his room and Hobbes pounced him again. Tigers were definitely trouble.

Calvin's mom walked in only to find Calvin, gripping his stuffed tiger, flying off the balcony to the upstairs. He spun through the air and landed foot-first, but spinning on his ankle landing. What was that kid trying to do? Kill himself?

"Yeah, do that again and it'll be the last pounce you ever make." Calvin vowed, before walking up the stairs. His mom met him on the way up.

"Honey?" she asked.

"AAAHHH!" Calvin screamed, thinking that she knew about the letter.

"Is anything wrong?" she asked.

"Oh, no. Nothing at all. Me and Hobbes were just… uh, nevermind." Calvin said, before running into his room and bolting the door with a chair, and putting a nail through the door and the wall.

"Hobbes, we need to get out of here. Mom's going to find out about the noodles." Said Calvin.

"So why are you worried? You said you were framed…" Hobbes started.

"I WAS! If they find me with this, I'm in big trouble because they think I did it." Calvin said.

"So what are you going to do?" asked Hobbes.

"I think it's time we built a new invention…" Calvin said.


	2. Tracer Bullet, I presume

**PASTA LA VISTA - chapter two**

**Calvin stood on top of his cardboard box. He tried balancing. The box was flipped upside down and Calvin was wearing an antennae-like thing made out of those fuzzy twisty things. Calvin couldn't remember what they were called.**

**"So, explain to me how this works again?" Hobbes said. Calvin wobbled on the top of the box.**

**"It's simple really. These antennae connect to my brain and transmit radio waves back to the box. The lines connect to the carpet, and hook under the box. That way, my ideas are grounded in reality." Calvin said.**

**"Too late." Hobbes said.**

**"Would you stop yelling and turn this thing on? I feel like this thing is going to fall down on me." Calvin said. Hobbes clicked a little button that said 'push me, you idiot!' and he pressed it. Hobbes covered his eyes so he wouldn't be blinded if there was a flash.**

**"Brzap" Calvin said, making a sound effect.**

**"Did it work?" asked Hobbes, still closing his eyes.**

**"You're asking a private eye, sabertooth. My minds cocked like gun, of course it worked!" a figure said. Hobbes opened his eyes, and Calvin was dressed like a detective.**

**"Woah. It transforms you into your alter-egos?" asked Hobbes.**

**"You catch on like a fly to stickypaper." The man said. Tracer Bullet, Hobbes guessed.**

**"Please don't compare me to a fly." Hobbes said.**

**Somewhere in an alternate universe, Calvin found himself sitting in a detective chair. Everything was black and white, and things were looking like Tracer Bullet's world.**

**'_Woah!_' Calvin thought. '_The altered-ego machine must have gone haywire. I had planned it to bring Tracer Bullet to my world to help me, but it must have brought me here. I need to get back to reality, before mom finds out about the letter!_'**

**Calvin tried something. If he was in his imagination's world, he could do whatever he wanted. At first he thought it might be nice to have a missile and wreak havoc, but then he decided he should get back to his own world first.**

**Calvin thought real hard and his altered-ego machine appeared in front of him. Calvin strapped himself on and reached down and clicked the button. He was transformed in a flash of light, and then everything was black.**

**He slowly looked around and as his eyes adjusted, he saw little white specks everywhere. He reached behind him and felt a cable. He turned to look where the cable was leading to, and saw a familiar red spaceship. He was Spaceman Spiff!**

**"This was not what I had planned." Calvin said to himself.**


	3. Calvin in Space

**PASTA LA VISTA - chapter three**

Hobbes had waited until Tracer had fallen asleep, and then had attached the helmet to him. He clicked the button and he disappeared in a flash of light.

'Now to find out where Calvin is…' Hobbes thought. 'Oh well. Until I find him, maybe I'll read some of his comics. Didn't he just get a new issue of Nuke-Man?'

Calvin tried to crawl through space back to Spiff's spaceship. If he could get back there, maybe he could rebuild the machine and get out of this dimension before…

POW!

The red spaceship went flying, pulling Calvin down. Calvin looked behind him. A Naggon enforcer ship. Calvin gripped on tight to the cable as the ship started to veer down toward the atmosphere of planet Glook!

KABLOOEY!

Another jolt of the death ray fired as Calvin held on to the spaceship. Good thing it was on Auto-Pilot, or he would have been space roadkill. The saucer-like craft steered through the rock formations, and Calvin had to twist his body to keep from hitting the rock carvings.

The Naggons were following, but their ships were so big that they just crashed through the rocks and shattered the priceless formations to pieces. Calvin yelled as the ship veered up into the sky, performing a perfect right angle.

Hobbes was reading the comics. He had his trusty pen with him. "Oh, Nuke-Man, let's see how you look with a mustache… good, but we need to balance it out. Maybe a Mohawk will help! Perfect." Hobbes said, drawing on the picture.

Calvin, using every ounce of muscle he could, started to climb the cable back into the ship. He finally got in, and closed the dome, so that he stayed in the cockpit. He had gone through enough of these imaginary adventures to know what to do next.

He clicked MANUAL PILOT and did a U-Turn, and turned into Offensive Mode. He set his missiles and flew over the Naggon ship, releasing the missiles onto the ship. It exploded and sent out a shockwave, which Calvin used to ride his way out of the planet's atmosphere.

"Wahoo!" Calvin yelled. That was the most fun he'd ever had. Suddenly, Calvin saw a whole fleet of Naggon ships in front of him. Calvin yelled and did a turn to narrowly avoid hitting the fleet.

Laser rays rained down on the little red ship. Calvin yelled from intense pressure. The spaceship was riding out of control and veering down towards the planet's surface.

His thoughts were screaming inside his head. He felt like he was going to burst. 'I don't want to do this anymore!' he thought to himself.

Suddenly, in a burst of light, Calvin found himself in his room. Hobbes was reading Calvin's comic books, and lounging on Calvin's bed. Calvin looked at himself. He was half-transparent.

'I'll bet I got sent here, but I never fully made it back since the machine didn't register it!' Calvin thought. He clicked the button on the machine and he was then zapped again in the white light, before he found himself back in his bedroom.

"Hobbes! I'm back!" Calvin yelled. Hobbes hid the comic book behind his back and tried – very badly, I'll add – to act casual.

"Oh, Calvin. Hello." Hobbes said.

"Nice try, Hobbes. I know you were reading my comic books. I'll deal with you later. But first – wait a second, the letter!" Calvin exclaimed.

"Oh yeah! Where is your letter?" asked Hobbes.

"It's on my desk. We need to use the machine again. But this time, I'll switch around the cords. Instead of me coming to them, they'll come to me!" Calvin said.

"So how is that going to help? We'll just have a bunch of your alter-egos running around!" Hobbes said.

"No! We'll use their help to get the letter back to the garbage can before mom finds the letter and reads it!" Calvin said.


	4. The Plan

**PASTA LA VISTA – chapter four**

A beam of light burst from Calvin's room as Calvin's mom walked past. What was that kid doing in there? She knocked on the door.

"Calvin? What's going on in there?" asked his mom.

"Oh, um, just doing a flashlight experiment for school." Calvin lied.

"Well, can I watch?" asked his mom.

"DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!" Calvin yelled. "I mean, um, I've been working for 45 minutes and if you open the door, all my work goes down the drain. It has to be done in the dark, if you know what I mean."

"Well, okay then. I'll be up in a little while with snacks." His mom said.

"Phew," Calvin said, resting against the doorpost. Stupendous Man had just beamed into the room. Now the whole gang was ready for action.

"Didn't you hear her? The Naggons will be invading the bedroom in just a short time period!" Spiff cried.

"Okay then. Here's what we do. Tracer Bullet and I are going to climb out the window and try to sneak in through the backdoor, and then into the kitchen. We'll dispose the letter there." Calvin said.

"But why don't we just drop the letter in your garbage can? It would be quicker." Hobbes suggested.

"That's not a bad idea." Tracer agreed.

"But when mom empties the trash every week, she'll look in my garbage can and see the letter. The only one she won't look through is the kitchen one because there's… you know, 'stuff' in there." Calvin said.

"Ah" the others said, agreeing.

"Spaceman Spiff, Stupendous Man, you'll have to distract my mom. Dad doesn't come home for a couple of hours." Calvin said.

"Roger, chief." Stupendous Man said.

"Chief? Chief. I like the sound of that! Chief Calvin! Chief Calvin." Calvin said, saying it in different tones.

"As fascinating as this is, you guys should really start the plan." Hobbes said, sarcastically.

"Woah, Hobbes. You've got an assignment too." Calvin said.

"Yeah. No man gets left out." Stupendous Man agreed.

"Oh, no. I'm staying out your crackpot ideas. You and your altered egos can do this alone. I'm out!" Hobbes refused.

"Oh, come on. You can stay in my room if you do…" Calvin said.

"What's the job?" asked Hobbes.

"Just make sure that mom and dad don't know I'm gone." Calvin said.

"Well, okay." Hobbes said.

"Great! Today we start Operation: GET RID OF THE LETTER!" Calvin said.


	5. A Battle Royale

**PASTA LA VISTA – chapter five**

Spaceman Spiff looked down at the terrain ahead of him. There was a deep gorge with little rocks stuck out of the side so he could climb up or down. Inside the chasm was a Naggon with a telecommunicator in use.

"Greeble gork. Bliup drac wuzza puzza gnilt. Fook rom." The alien said. Spiff assumed it was a call for backup – they knew they were there. There was a sharp reply of crackles over the telecommunicator, and it was then tucked away.

Spiff nodded at his co-pilot, Stupendous Starfighter, and they slowly crept down the gorge using the stairs.

"SPIFF NARR!" The alien cried, and fired a death ray cannon at Spiff. A huge rockslide was created, and Spiff and Starfighter had been taken down. Spiff aimed his blaster and fired at the menacing beast.

* * *

Calvin and Tracer Bullet slowly descended from the window and acted like they were mountain climbing. They held onto the ropes and took jumps down before touching the side of the house again.

"Uh, chief, isn't this going to create some noise inside? And what if they look out the window and see us?" Tracer asked.

"I'm counting on Spaceman Spiff and Stupendous Man for that." Calvin said.

* * *

(PS – this little section is Stupendous Man's view of what Spiff saw at the beginning)

Stupendous Man crept out of the bedroom with tremendous ease, waling on terrific tip-toes. He had his sidekick, Super Spiff, by his side. He peered through the balcony's railings. His arch-nemesis, Mom-Lady, was on the phone.

"Yes, dear. I'll see you in 10 minutes. Bye!" she said. Stupendous Man and Spiff slowly crept down the staircase, without making a sound. Suddenly, Mom-Lady turned his way.

"Stupendous Man!" Mom-lady said, surprised to see him. She fired some sort of Amazonian beam from her eyes at Spiff and he collapsed from the staircase and tumbled down onto Stupendous Man.

As the two heroes laid on the ground, Spiff started to draw a dart gun (the one Calvin uses in the comics) from behind his back. He fired at Mom-lady and a dart hit her square on the forehead. She was in shock only momentarily, but that was enough time for them to make a get-away.

Mom-Lady pursued, and Spiff took the dart gun and aimed while running. He hit her with the dart, but ran into a bookcase and disappeared in a puff of blue smoke. Mom-lady didn't seem to notice though, and kept going after Stupendous Man.

* * *

As Calvin and Spiff got halfway down the house, Tracer Bullet slipped. Calvin hadn't thought to make harnesses, so Tracer started to fall to the ground. Calvin reached out a hand to grab him, but it was too late. The alter-ego flew to the ground and vanished in a puff of blue smoke.

"Woah." Calvin said in marvel. He didn't have much time to wait, because he saw his dad's car about a block down.

"What is he doing home so early?" Calvin said to himself in panic. Calvin forgot about jumping and climbed down the rope rapidly. If his dad caught him, the Noodle Incident was going to be revealed! Reaching the end of the rope, Calvin jumped the remaining 3 feet and made a dash to the backyard just as dad pulled in the driveway.

* * *

Stupendous Man made a stupendous dash into the kitchen just as Calvin started fiddling with the back door. The door was locked! Stupendous Man took a big pot and put it over Mom-lady's head, banging the pot wildly.

Stupendous Man dashed back for the door as Mom-lady regained consciousness and threw the pot at him. Stupendous Man jumped and lunged for the door as the pot wedged under him and tripped him backwards. Calvin cried out, but it all seemed slow-motion. The mighty hero's world went blue for a moment, and then he was back at his Super Headquarters.

* * *

Calvin realized the seriousness of the situation and made a dash back to the house, before bumping into his dad.

"Going somewhere, Calvin?" asked his dad. Calvin tried to look innocent. "I saw you running away from me. What's wrong?"

Calvin realized the situation was hopeless and gave his dad the letter. His dad opened up the letter and his face went bleak. Calvin looked down at the ground, depressed.

"Calvin, you really need to work on your grades more." His dad said.

"What?" Calvin asked, confused.

"Your report card is in here. You have pulled an F- in every class from Art to Social Studies." His dad said.

Calvin lit up in joy and hugged his dad. No noodles to worry about.

"Calvin, your teacher called!" his mom called from the house. "Something about noodles… do you know anything about them?"

"NO!" Calvin cried, before running away.

**THE END**


End file.
